eileenjoy.com

Course was worse than the Nike Women’s Marathon. Inclines, hills, tunnels, more hills, and bridges. First half was so nice near the lake, but after Quest Stadium…the tunnels and hills after the stadium. Suck. I started breaking down at mile 22…but with Janette, I PR’d!!!!

Inaugural Seattle RnR Marathon

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

–Ida Scott Taylor

Just my thoughts for the day…

For some strange reason I woke up when he would normally wake up for work (alarm didn’t go off either), then I got up at my usual time and hit snooze. I’m kinda weird…I asked for some signs, and I’m getting little ones here and there.

Today I’m in less pain. But I did talk to him yesterday…I’m asked to be strong, it’s hard to be strong–when all you want to do is be there with them. So yeah, I’m a stupid weak assed girl. I need answers, I need to talk things through or I’ll drive myself crazy. But i’ve been asked to not do my norm (by different people), no analyzing, or thinking in general. Just be. Let it all come to me.

So that’s what I’m doing. I take things day by day, and it hurts less. Yesterday I had quality time with my mom, shopping….I got me some Coach bags. Love. And Gap clothes. More love.

I decided that I’ve neglected this blog way too much, so I’m also going to write again. It’s supposed to be cathartic, so maybe this is my way of getting what I wanted to say out into the universe. I’ve been saying that lately. Say what I feel in the form of email or letter–just to get it out, get it into the universe–and come what may.

So hello again, whomever is following me. I’m a little bruised up, confused, drained, but I’m still alive. My legs hurt from the 10 miler on Saturday–but I needed to push myself to know that I can, and to erase my hurt. Be strong he asks. Be strong they ask. I’m just hoping one day it’ll hurt less…maybe he’ll be back, maybe he won’t…I’ve been standing on my own for so long–I’ll get there one day…

I keep looking at our pictures and rembering our time together. Although short, I didn’t want it to end. I only wanted you. I know I said I’ll give you what you wanted-it’s hard to stay away. My heart hurts, I’m numb, and I don’t want to feel anything anymore.

I know you need this time. You’ve been through quite a lot. I just wanted you. I still do.

you don’t get hurt.

Walls are there for a reason-just wondering when you start to let the guard down…and fully let someone in.

Happy year of the Ox!!! Whooo! Finally, it’s my year baby!

WATER OX Horoscope
Feb 6, 1913 to Jan 25, 1914
Feb 3, 1973 to Jan 22, 1974

Oxen in China are put on a pedestal. So it goes with Oxen people. Oxen are bright, peace-loving, often easy-going and trusting. But, on the other hand, they can also be stubborn, methodical, and fiercely competitive, with, shudder, fierce tempers to boot. Oxen are natural born mentors and life is filled with examples of people who have gone on to great success because of them. Mentally and physically alert to the point of genius, many Oxen belong to Mensa. They can create the most imposing structures, magnificent sculpture, and homes. They respond like poets to the beauties of nature and of solitude. Oxen are unique, they are The Flower that bursts through the crack of cement.

With Water Oxen you never have to sit around listening to boring lecturing and long-winded yada-yada. Through quiet self-assurance, they simply carry on with life, setting examples by deed, never by words. They make extraordinary leaders. They inspire others to do their best, through kind patience, knowing that even waiters finally come to those who wait. Realistic and open-minded about the foibles of others, they are rewarded with unexpected surprises when people turn around and show their best attributes. Tit for tat!. Their stable careers and “living right” give them the potential to be enormously wealthy, and they frequently are. For Oxen in general, love life is somewhat of a mystery, but immensely satisfying, interwoven very nicely with contrasts of quietude and passion, solitude and togetherness.

www.tuvy.com

They are even-tempered, home-oriented, and in need of a stable environment at work and at home. Intense, their strong positive regard for home and family can be mistaken for possessiveness. They are friendly, peaceable and accommodating, and despite their quiet nature, they do like to entertain, have parties and get involved in social activities.

Conservative and cautious, they like stability so they frown upon moving from one location to another. They take particular pride in beautifying their home with equal attention to comfort and pride. Not particularly status, they can be eloquent when so inclined. These attributes combined with the gift of inspiring confidence make them natural leaders.

The collective noun for genus bovines – cow, steer, ox, bison, etc is pronounced “Ngow” in Cantonese and “Nieu,”in Mandarin. The Ngow is the second in the 12 animal sequence. The Chinese identify these years in accordance with a complicated system of chronology dating back to 2637 B.C.

According to legend, the ox once resided in heaven as a star deity. Disturbed by man’s pitiable struggle against starvation, the great Buddha dispatched the ox to tell his subjects that if they worked unstintingly, they would receive sustenance every third day.

However, the ox became confused and informed them that their diligence would be rewarded with three meals a day. The almighty, in exasperation stripped the ox of his divinity and sent him back to earth to help man produce the necessary food. Thus the ox, once found only in heaven, became earthbound.

Twin Cities, Daily Planet

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! May this year be blessed, filled with much love, and may you have much success in all your endeavors!

But it’s up to us to learn and grow from our past experiences. I tend to beat myself up over things I have allowed myself to do, or repeated what I knew I shouldn’t have. Let’s call it false hope…because even though we always hope for the best, you should always expect the worst.

I always hold tight those whom I hold dear to my heart, but you can only control your feelings and actions. So for now, I’m putting my own heart in a box-and throwing away the key.

Because those who do not learn from history, are doomed to repeat it…and I don’t think my heart will be able to take any more.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear meeee, happy birthday dear me.

Yes, I am now 35. I’ve been saying all week I’m “25″ + some, but I have accepted my true age. And it is a beautiful thing. Besides, at 35 I have accomplished so much & am working on being more of who I am-and not who everyone wants me to be. At 25 the only thing I knew I could do was rent a car. 30s are so much better…

So thank you everyone for the well wishes & celebrations. It’s gonna be a fabulous year!

2008 was a year of trials and tribulations. A year that tested my soul, spirit, and body. I learned how strong I could be, even when one constantly pushes me down. I have become mentally and physically stronger all because I made myself go through & persevere.

I have learned to let go and move forward without letting things get to me. I have learned that some things I just don’t have any control of & they were not my fault-so I have pushed through all the bad & moved on to something healthier. I learned that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I could be…mentally.

I learned that if I am balanced, I will become happier. And if I just let things happen, it would be something better than I can possibly imagine.

So for 2009 I will work harder for all my PRs & I will surround myself with positive people. People who believe what I say & not question or put me down to make themselves feel better. I will work towards being the strongest I can be & not feel bad for wanting more.

I will be patient & not dwell in the past, or overanalyze about why some people return or stay or always return I should say. I will take it as it comes & let it take a natural course. I will not force anything, but I will allow myself to feel…not because of history-but because I do.

I will also be patient with myself when I can’t push it on a run or if I don’t PR. But I will work my hardest to get where I want to be. I will continue the pilates, weights, intervals, spin & bootcamps…and I will not let anyone make me feel bad for investing so much time into myself.

This will be the year of the PRs, and as much accomplishments as I can possibly obtain. It’s a new year baby! Ima stay healthy & stay positive. No one will tell me otherwise & if they do, they can move the f&@k on.

Happy New Year everyone! It’s gonna be a kick ass year.

of being so helpful and nice.